I have come farther than I give myself credit

Amidst writing a post on reddit seeking help for reducing shame, I realized I would not get anything new from it. I have everything I need to keep revealing myself. I need to push myself and act.

As I learned deeply from my strict violin teacher growing up, you will …

Filling in the void a little bit more

Last night, my very good friend and I talked about my anger towards my life. How I feel trapped by my pain, and prevented from a real life because I missed out on the first 25 years.

After going over a lot it dawned on me how much this negative …

Another hollow Halloween, another sad fucking Halloween.

I remember so many years watching Halloween come and pass. Envy filled my every bone as I detested my fear of expression. I stopped dressing up for Halloween as soon as I could. Likely around puberty or seventh grade. I have not participated now in over fifteen years. And oh …

You own your knowledge

If you are struggling and feel stuck, google "how to get unstuck". If you feel like you cannot change but wish to, google "how to change". If you need something in your life, simply learning ANYTHING about that subject is going to make a large difference.

Within our perfectionism and …

Been letting myself feel too depressed lately.

For the better part of a month now I have been rather depressed. Rightly so. I did a big thing and put myself in a band new frame of mind. It's scary. But I have been feeding some of the negative thoughts too much for too long. It is so …

Vanessa & Luna Lyrics

Vanessa & Luna - Keeping it real together.
Vanessa & Luna - No one will get in our way!

Cause we are alone now and totally free,
to be whatever we want to be,
and we know that we will survive,
cause we've got nothing to lose.

The world is a weird place …

Finishing Re:Zero - another acknowledgement

Expect to see me as prideful or even arrogant in this post.

I just finished watching an anime called Re: Zero. The transfeminine community seems to have fallen in love with one of its characters, so I felt compelled to understand why.

Surprisingly, this is a solid anime. It speaks …

The Psychology of Self Transformation

The safe road is the road of death.

Chronic Pain

fucking sucks

Chronic pain is realizing your pain level 3 is other people's level 7.

Chronic pain is being excited when you get to spend the first couple hours of a day without significant pain when you did something right while you slept.

Chronic pain is never escaping thinking about …

Overriding templates in Pelican when using multiple configs

This website and all its pieces now needs 4 pelican config files. And the latest addition requires different direct templates than the others. So I needed a way to override the direct templates without royally fucking anything else up. This is what I came up with.

It's getting cold

I'm in Vanessa for a number of nights this week. As I am trying to get ready to leave, I am crippled by the cold and its effects on my joints.

I have had so many doctor appointments. I am out of money. And driving way too much. I try …

I never thought I would get this far

A cool person I spent time with for the second time, reminded me that she had seen a timeline I posted on /r/transtimelines a long while back. Amazing that she had recalled it. Yet the image of me snuck inside her memory.

Reflecting on this moment I suddenly felt …

National Coming Out Day

It's national coming out day. I've watched it roll by many years. I hadn't participated because it bothers me that the concept of coming out is seemingly strictly for sexuality and gender. To me, coming out is about no longer suppressing a part of you. I still do that a lot in many areas of my life. I guess I had to take care of the most pressing issues first, and I'll get to the others. Hopefully.