I don't pretend to be sick. I pretend to be healthy.
I am not happy. I pretend to be happy for purpose.
I am so fucking tired of being an inspirational person because it helps everyone. Sure it helps me in a way. But I am not getting any better …
I really want to hope that all my hatred of being real comes when I am in significant pain. But I don't even know what to think anymore.
I want to sever all my relationships and run away. I hate my pain. I hate being in pain. Why can't I …
I don't know how I am going to make it. I don't know why I even should.
I seriously want to know when enough is enough. When have I tried long and hard enough? How many will scoff at my weakness?
I do not want to live life with my …
I've become more active in my old support group recently. I am now more vulnerable than ever as I attempt to rally people into making significant and fundamental changes so my support group can be a better place overall and for a long time. Having thse experiences now is showing …
I have no idea what I'm doing. I have this drive to be something of a martyr, a public figure or at least a devout public servant. All of me screams in anger about my situation will dragging my stupid loose towards this goal of living with a purpose which …
I think I've finally figured out what I've been struggling with the last week.
All the while I feel I have always led my life with purpose. My hope of finding a way to truly and deeply help my teams siblings, and reduce their suffering.
My whole life seems built …
I'm 6 years into recovery, 4 years on hrt. I've got so much recovery under my belt I'm seen as a poster. I pass regularly and blend in always. I recovered from lifelong DPDR and anxiety. I survived suicide. I quit my life and became nomadic. I reconnected with music …
Today is a bad day. Attempting to plan my next trip, finish up tasks, all in the cold of winter. I am not doing well. I thought I was going to have this figured out by March, it will now take until maybe July. This extra three months is fucking …
I recently spent time with someone I only interacted with a few times before I began my nomadic life. While catching up I learned something I never considered.
Apparently, they were worried about me before I left. So, telling everyone you're going on a long trip can... trip up certain …
I want to leave this life. I really do. For all that I could be, what's left due to chronic pain is so disappointing. The people I want most to be with are people I would only hold back. I don't want to ruin someone's life by letting them get …
I am what I am, I am who I am, and I can only change so much at a time.
Which is why I generally avoid life and society altogether. I live in a van, travel, avoid as much social media as I can, and spend a lot of time …
What a remarkable thing. Dreaming in pain. This never used to be the case.
Waking in a warm bed, my lower half aching, my shoulders crinkling, my heart at the bottom of a pit from my dream.
I sit again wondering when I will get this life over with. When …
