The masks I wear

I don't pretend to be sick. I pretend to be healthy.

I am not happy. I pretend to be happy for purpose.

I am so fucking tired of being an inspirational person because it helps everyone. Sure it helps me in a way. But I am not getting any better deep down. I still hate being alive. I still hate being human and find self expression the worst part of human behavior.

I will never be okay unless I find relief from my pain and my body. And I worry I am beginning to give up again.

I may have to let go of every aspirational thing I do so I can find this relief. But that means I have to care about myself enough to do it.