Am I living for purpose? Or as a sacrifice?

I think I've finally figured out what I've been struggling with the last week.

All the while I feel I have always led my life with purpose. My hope of finding a way to truly and deeply help my teams siblings, and reduce their suffering.

My whole life seems built for this purpose. I've been given intense empathy, intellect, and the influence of a selfless mother. My missing sense of self fostered a curiosity about why people are the way they are. These qualities in me led others to trust their emotions with me, when I began building my skill of supporting others. As I left high school, my social life crumbled. I was lost and aimless. With only myself to live for I sank deeper into anxiety and shame. Helping others was one way I slowed my descent into madness from my physical pain and dysphoria. As soon as I realized I am transsexual I knew I would have to give my life to others. This stark, yet clear, realization, that should I act selfishly and transition, I MUST give the rest of my life to a purpose. I think this is mostly inspired by the idea "be who you needed when you were younger." I then spent about three years at a support group recovering and learning to give better. Then in an act of desperation I left everything to find myself. My most selfish act yet. Knowing I would need to solve more of my problems so I could better help people I pushed myself farther again.

It seems all of my selfish personal developments have always held the hand of knowing I need to be healthy so I can better serve others, so I can be an example, so I practice what I preach.

Recently I have been struggling with three relationships. The struggle is, I have no desire or need to support these three. I simply want to be connected with them. I want friendship, companionship, connection, and intimacy. But I find myself lost in them. Without the driving force of supporting someone, I don't know how to be. I feel out of place. I feel undeserving. I feel uninteresting. I feel without preference.

Am I sacrificing myself?

I am concerned I have it all wrong. I'm not living with purpose but shamefully avoiding myself in an unhealthy way. I can't even have friends for my sake.

Do I have it all wrong?