Character Definition

Unlike the rest of this hidden section, this is a positive document. Things must truly be changing for me.

This document defines who I am, who I aim to be, and the foundation of all the goals therein for this chapter of my life.

As I approach a year of being real, I feel powerful enough to truly take action on my life. I have a vision I want to actualize and this document is my way of trying to put all the pieces together. I hope my ideas and approaches are healthy or continually get healthier. I really want to make an impact and given who I have been, the skills I have, and my desires, I think I can do that.

Below is an overview of the elements which will make up my character.


expression	altruistic, curious, emblematic, empathic, nomadic, playful
attributes	constitution, conviction, decisive, discipline, fortitude
milestones	real, sex, job, expression
goals	gaff, laser fund, support group, trans lifeline, app dev
mantras	see below

Expression

Below are the primary values of my expression. They are deeply tied to how I perceive the world thus how I want others to view me. I aim for them consciously. Expressions are adjectives.


altruistic	My aim is to reduce suffering of my trans siblings, and make the world a better place for us. This bears great responsibility of the actions I take, and how I position myself with others.
curious	My approach to interactions shall be governed mostly with curiosity. My window on the world rarely places demand in the world or others. I am but a vessel for others growth.
emblematic	To not be seen as I am, but seen as the emblem of the quality someone most desires to develop. To see me, is to fundamentally shift the nature of our connection. Few people are privy to this. This is the most controversial element of my expression, which, may also be the unhealthiest. However, I am certain, those who do not see the undercurrent of me benefit the most.
empathic	A founding element to my capacity to connect, my empathy is the skill with which I base the foundation of my reactions to people. In this way, my own desires are second to all.
nomadic	The function with which I implement this character. My transience is how I employ these elements ethically within short bursts. I am no fixture, I am no leader. I am a whisper on the wind of something greater, something possible. This also serves to protect me from the mental health struggles I deal with.
playful	To be seen as childlike alongside my serious tones. My playfulness is a key element to my ability to draw people in and show people are world they may have never seen before.

Attributes

In order to achieve this expression, my character must be capable of implementing certain attributes. This list is not comprehensive and hopefully grows over time. Abstract concepts for tracking process in identifiable ways. When looking to build upon myself, it is these attributes I shall be focusing on. Further progress in these attributes will help me employ my expressions. Attributes are nouns.


constitution	Physical health.	Without this I will be unable to deploy being nomadic in a healthy way. Without good health I am less likely to help.
conviction	Know thyself and express thyself.	Without this, I will be less emblematic, for in one way, everyone wants to be who they are and unafraid to express it. This also allows me to remain grounded and rooted as I traverse the vast landscape of windows.
decisiveness	The ability to make decisions quickly, independently, and correctly.	When acting upon the world, having conviction to express myself is only half the battle, the other half is not delaying and accepting the consquences with honor
discipline	Consistently complete responsibilities without delay or angst.	Discipline will help ensure my time is best spent on the activities I truly desire. Thus promoting my capacity for completing with other goals.
fortitude	Courageously face adversity with mental and physical resilience	Without it, no amount of conviction will help endure the hardships involved with choosing this path. It will not be easy. I will face loneliness, betrayal, desperation, and must find strength and balance.

Supporting Attributes

These attributes help capture the rest of human experience and life outside the primary ones which I am actively pursuing.


acumen	A wealth of deep and insightful knowldege about many things	The accumulation of all skills. Especially when that skill does not effect other attributes.
luddite	how balanced my life is with tech and nature	This attributes is a balanced one, which the more tech I do, the less luddite I am. My aim is to keep as much nature in my life.

Milestones

These are major stepping stones to becoming who I aim to be. These are personal development steps. Not actions.


Real	2017/05/25	I became real, and now I shall mainatain a yearly celebration of it
Sex	2017/12	I can have sex again. I finally figured out how to be sexual with trauma
Real Sex	2023-2024	I can have the sex I want to have without comprimising myself if I choose
Expression		I feel I am fully expressive of myself. Absolute freedom of expression
Job		I can work again, this will be a huge step.
Grounded		I am no longer nomadic because I have my purpose

Goals

These are life goals. Goals which will come to define me. If I can accomplish any one of them, I will feel my life had value.


gaff		Make available my gaff design to as many as possible
laser fund		Consistently provide laser hair removale to needy trans girls
support groups		Find some way to create or better support groups for trans people
trans lifeline		Become a successful and valuable member of the organzation, if at least, as a phone operator
App Development		Write my own app, and hopefully make some money off it

Mantras

Mantras are sayings and phrases to help me maintain course.


succeed	I shall progress. I shall change. I shall become.
freedom	When are you going to realize you can do whatever you want!
prepared	I am everything I need already.
overcome	I am not my body. I am not my thoughts. I am something more than this.
perspective	life is not hard, dealing with your self is.
failure	failure only comes in knowing you didn't try your best.
change	change is the only constant in life.
age	I don't want to grow up. I don't want to stay young. I just want to be me forever.
choice	Are you asking for help, or afraid of the decision you already made?
regret	If you don't do the thing, how will you feel a month from now?
fear	Fear is the only sin. Why would you let such a thing win?

NOTES

[ ] how do i differentiate between those selfish connections? Do I even struggle with this now?
[ ] selfish desires. How do I handle them?
[*] I need an attribute for being emotionally independent, without need for outside input for decisions, or feeling satisfied.
right now I need validation about who I am becoming. I don't need that. I don't want that.
when I am faced with character decisions, I should have decisiveness.
[ ] I need an attribute or skill which is aimed at my protection.
something which will help me identify bad people and accept moving away from them
or having the self concern for preservation to protect myself.

Inanis  Umbra