Dreaming in 3rd person in pain

Alike my depersonalization, many of my dreams are the same as awake. I rarely am the dream or dreamer, but watching the dream.

And last night, I dreamt of how incapable I am of being me when social interactions are not temporal. If there is a chance they may not be, I depersonalize. Begs the question whether I am ever not depersonalized. Maybe this feeling I am real, is only something I can feel on the inside. But when dealing with the outside I am still unable to present that to the world. Which always leads to the question whether my pain is the limiting factor here, now.

The new injections I am on are making my body do great things. The first couple days I had some spontaneous erections which is likely a sign the dose was too high. The other feminizing effects are very desirable. My skin is even softer, the little fat I am gaining is going to the right places, and my tits are even thinking about growing some. But my fatigue and pain levels are higher than before.

How much does this play a role in my dissociation? How can I let go of the hope I will ever be like I was at age 15?