Hollow habits

I don't know why this is a shadow. But it is. I am empty feeling. In the sense that I see just how much of my time is spent following hollow habits. Empty nothings that waste my time.

I am fighting the urge to browse the internet, watch videos, and play video games. These three things are how I escape. And shit I can dump so much time into them for no good reason.

But then I'm reminded of how often the only other choice I have is reading a book. Bed ridden and trying desperately to stay sane inside my pain, what else can I do? Unfortunately all I have been reading is self-help/educational books. And I can only read so much of those at a time. Literally. Too much and I don't soak in the message. So maybe I need to figure out my fiction niche... young adult female coming of age books? Sigh.

I'll suck someone into a super long convo just to waste time. So I truly appreciate the connections with others. I can't wait to get better at enjoying moments with people silently, showing emotion towards people who inspire it, and expressing physicality in a whimsical way.

Maybe the pain I'm feeling now is inspiring this as a shadow. Maybe I don't want to be seen as over-posting so I hide this one a bit.