Finally Fall - Leaving MA once again

I am waking up in Connecticut. I don't have much going on in my head or heart. I am ready. I am moving. And I have a plan for where to go and when.

I am eager to get to get to warmer weather and feel more comfortable about showering. I am eager to learn the new logistics of having a sink and grey water. I am eager to see people with all this sense of self and reality.

I am sad to have left all these people. People I've known for a long time. People I didn't get to know well enough. People who I just met. But since my heart is in Vanessa I am dragged away by a sense of adventure and purpose. I must finish this journey.

Age and possiblity.

I am thinking about age. In youth I heard so many people suggest their life was ruined, over, or void of possiblity. I felt that way. Even when I was doing interseting things I felt my life was going to be shit. Now I can see how most people's greatest acheivements occur after 30 after 35 even. It takes a long time to build enough to do those great things.

I am 30 this year. I can see the goals I've had in mind for over a decade, and how I need more time to learn what I need to learn in order to actualize those goals. And so this journey I am on is a conscious choice to bring me closer to those goals in the way that I know how.

I hope this chapter brings me more new. I am afraid after all, that I will stagnate. When I have so much to do I cannot. I need to heal. I need a better body. I need more practice. More skills. More interactions with different kinds of people. More challenges.

Let us hope.