Stopping obsessive thoughts, another hopeful rant

On the internet, someone asked about how to stop obsessive thoughts and I went on a rant. So I figured I would share the outcome here. Sure some of it is repeat, but always a new way of saying the same thing.

Find a focus

I want you to try and find something you can deeply focus on.

An overactive mind is a symptom of an under utilized body

A hobby, a sport, an instrument, a book. If it involves physical activity great. If it involves a fine tuned skill great.

You're trapped in observing mode. It's hard to get out of. But we can train. We can change.

I had DPDR for most of my life. At least a decade. Focused attention was the only safe place to be. That wasn't the only thing that got me out of DPDR. I still had to address my traumas. What I am suggesting is a good step.

Do not believe everything you think.

I am not my body. I am not my thoughts. I am something more than this.

In DPDR, we already learn to feel disconnected from the world, and sometimes our thoughts. Or at least from certain thoughts. But it is easy, regardless of this to believe all that you are is your thoughts. That "I" is nothing more than the never ending stream of thoughts. Should you stop thinking, you would stop being. But this isn't really the case. There is more going on than your thoughts.

Making the attempt to not believe every thought you have. Trying to sit back and be an observer to your thoughts, is part of the concept behind meditation. It is sad really, how it appears like meditation and the search for enlightenment look similar to DPDR. But they are different. Now that I am real, I can still sit back and observe my thoughts, I can let the bad thoughts roll by. I can catch myself when I get caught up in a horrible pattern that's only bringing me down. But I am now also able to live inside the stream of consciousness and let myself exist with analyzing. I can simply be.

It is therefore OKAY to have all kinds of thoughts. Weird thoughts, repetitive thoughts, anxious thoughts. The more you can separate yourself from the thoughts, the more you might be able to "feel" to yourself (or interrupt your thoughts with other thoughts) that you don't want to believe those thoughts.

Narrating your own life

Once observing your thoughts, and no longer feeling like all you are is your thoughts, it begins to be easier to make a choice about how you narrate your own life.

This speech captures much of this section - This is water

We all have a story we believe of ourselves. A version of who we are we think we are. When you make a mistake do you tell yourself

• I am a piece of shit
• I fucked up
• I suck

Or do you tell yourself

• Gosh I tried hard, but next time I will do better
• Why do we fall Bruce, so we can learn to get back up again
• Mistakes happen, should I apologize for something?

As hard as it seems to change our thoughts, which story we tell ourselves helps inform how we feel, and then act.

The truth is

Life is not hard. Dealing with your self is.

You could take a hundred people and put them through the same challenge. No two person will respond the same way. Living, staying alive, breathing, is not the hard part of life. The hard part is coping with you, dealing with you and yourself. We are our biggest critic.

But we can choose to change the story we believe about ourselves. I can go from thinking I am a piece of shit when I fail, to thinking failure only comes when you didn't try your best, for when you try your best it is not truly a failure and I will try again.

The most difficult part of this is the beginning. Which is where the next section comes in handy.

How habits fit in

Understanding how habits work, are formed, and dismantled really helped me overcome a bunch of my obsessive thinking.

This book is a great read or listen - The Power of Habits

The most important part of changing habits in my eyes, is being able to zoom out and look at yourself, and your life from the perspective of years. I spent over a decade in DPDR. Therefore I should expect it to take me years to recover fully. Is it practical for me to think I could come back in just 6 months?

The deeper you can instill this notion, that recovery is slow and not a straight line, the more likely you are to be nice to yourself when you falter.

In my 6 years of recovery, I have slipped back into depression 5 times. I restarted smoking 3 times. I fucked up taking my medications 4 times. I felt close to giving up many times.

But when I zoomed out, and looked at my whole story, I realized this was how it all worked. I would make progress, but stumble, I would go slowly, because of where I started, and I could envision a future where I overcame it all. I would try to imagine what a recovered version of myself would look like 5 years from now and aim for that. And I would feel better. I would feel okay that today, I slipped up. But so long as I keep trying, going back to trying. I would get there eventually.

Respect the process. Accept the process. Find any way you can to enjoy today because once you are "recovered" you'll never get to experience the joy of watching yourself recover again.

Hope any of this is helpful my friend.