So I never forget

Four times now in the last four years I have gone on this horrible cycle of staying on hormones for 8 months or so, then falling off the trail. This means four times I have learned this lesson.

When I start hating expression, my hormones are off balance

This time it was all too apparent. I saw how my body not acting female, and too low of a dose caused me to feel dissociated, hating the world and expression. It manifests as frustration at how the world is, and incessantly asking the question "why". Why am I this way, why do I like this, why can't I have a choice in the matter?

The good news, is that since I conquered injections, I have never missed a dose. What I learned during my last blood work is that my current dosage of estrogen alone is putting my levels in a good range. I don't have to take an anti-androgen. Now, if my body still doesn't do the right thing after some more time I may start Lupron, or try Progesterone.

This means if I can stick to sticking a needle in my leg once a week I should never have to learn this lesson again.

I really hope I never go through this again.