Where do I start?

You're trapped. You feel you cannot get out of this hole you are so deep in. When you're down here, at the bottom, what does it take to get up? How do you begin?

Breathe

Let's take a look at a high level of an approach to recovery.

1. Desire - do you even want to recover?
2. Explore - seek out new information to help.
3. Engage - actively pursue recovery.
4. Repeat - Cycle, rest, plateau, climb.

I know. You've heard it before. That's precisely the issue isn't it! Some of these concepts really help but sometimes we are in a resistive mood. We get stuck in a stubborn place and stand still begrudgingly. Change is hard. So read on anyway. Remind yourself of these things or learn something new.

While this post focuses on DPDR, the issues are abstract.

Where are you now?

Your body, your brain is built for dissociation. We know this because you experience it. Some people struggle with anger. Others, maybe like yourself, struggle with depression. What a wonderous thing to accept the way you are rather than despise it. Try as you might, but you will never experience the other side. THIS IS OK. What a world it would be if you could change on a dime, or there wasn't an infinite possibility of humans.

You've been stuck in DPDR for so long your brain is super good at it. This is the fight. This is your struggle. You train your mind, body, and soul to resist a natural yet encouraged state of being.

Desire - Do you want it?

You've got to want it. You've got to be willing to change who you think you are. You've got to push outside your comfort zone regularly.

This is what I am.
I will never get out of this

Believe these thoughts, and you will, indeed, stay this way. Trapped by our history, it seems because I have been this for so long, I am unable to be any different. This is a fallacy!

I am not my DPDR, I struggle with DPDR.
If I can overcome this, I will be awesome!

This peeks at the heart of identity. I am something versus I have something. Let the problem be the problem. You are not the problem.

If you can find the drive and commitment to engage in your own recovery you've got the most important piece down.

Explore - there is always something new to learn

The next thing would be to learn a lot about habits, change, recovery, identity, shame, vulnerability. Be willing to explore any potential childhood trauma which may source this in you. Find your weak points and build your understanding. When you have the tools to repair a car it's a lot easier.

Nearly every chapter of my life I've felt like I have "tried everything." Laughable. In a universe which is unlimited, can one truly say they have tried EVERYTHING?

Engage - conquer those fears

Then engage. With the previous thoughts in mind, ACT! I know you can do it. I know you can face your fears and be caring towards yourself.

Accept the chapter you are in. You are at that critical point in the character's story where they finally say "ENOUGH!" and truly begin their quest.

Will you begin yours?

Tips for engagnement

1. Mindfulness is a super awesome help. Imagine you have three raisins. In silence, pick up one raisin. Look, touch, smell it. Put it in your mouth and chew. Don't count just chew. Don't swallow just chew. It will go down when it's ready. Follow the raisin into your stomach. Now. Pick up the next raisin and do the same thing. -- You can totally build the skill of present minded action outside of dpdr. You likely experience it in small ways already so we know you're capable of it. Now it's time you habitualize it.
2. I use a stim toy. Tungsten ring which I've had almost a decade I sometimes spin on tables and watch. Kinda like a totem from inception. I watch I zone out. When it's done I come back.
3. The other thing is more Pavlovian. I bought a small bottle of smelly stuff. I spent a couple months imprinting positive, in the moment, connected feeling into the smell. Now, when I find myself fading I smell it to come back. It really helps. Like a lot.

Fucking go for it. I knwo you can do this. 💕