The slow crawl of recovery

You knew this wouldn't be easy. You knew it had a chance of breaking you. Not everyone can even acknowledge or discover what they need to change. But you did. And then you fell. Again. And again.

If you get a bruise you can expect that to heal quickly. Break a bone, and you know you're in recovery for over a month. So too with mental health issues, there are some cuts, some damage that take longer than others. It is therefore crucial to accept:

Solace and calm, for I am drawn, to the path of healing.

A couple years ago, I wrote my first post about recovery. Add another two years to that. I am still on the same road. Still working on many of the same issues. It is not over. It may never be over. But after 5 and a half years of aiming for this path of healing my life is drastically different.

I have been alive almost 11,000 days. Only 2100 of those days have I cared enough to aim for recovery. 80% of my life I was on the path of pain and destruction. No wonder I am still recovering.

It is OKAY to be recovering

I promise. It is okay to be a mess. It is okay to have a bad day. It is okay to always be slightly agitated. It is okay to want more. You are on the path of recovery.

There will be a time when so much has fallen in to place you can have that relationship. You can have that casual fun. You can be grounded in who you are, get what you want, and be with other people and not step on any toes.

KEEP GOING OKAY?

I wrote this because I am finally feeling some success in my sexual recovery. It felt rather momentous.