90 days in Vanessa.

I have been on the road for 90 days in Vanessa! I wanted to try to write some words about the experience from this context.

If you've been following my posts you'll know I have gone through a lot on this trip. What has been a mere 3 months, 90 days, of my 10,000+ days alive, I feel I have experienced a major tipping point. Years in preparation.

Grateful I am to be so privileged to experience this. And happy that this kind of live is so appealing to me. IT makes sense given my history, but there is something, dare I say romantic about being a nomad.

Speaking of romance, briefly, I had a conversation with a friend about romance. I seem to be very detached from what people normally consider romantic. I believe I used that word in the previous sentence because she may have helped me understand better. But all it takes is a couple of moments for me to dismiss the connection and realize the word I'm really looking for is fantastical. I seem to have distilled the word romance into a form of delusion. For romance is nearly always about an idea, and not reality. And in relationships, romance is dangerous. But I've still yet to find the words to describe what people normally mean when they imply romance. What an ugly aside. I apologize

I have been to so many places and pushed myself to do so many things. Meeting people. Going to breakfast with people I met the day before. Having dinner in a park after rescuing a family's dog at a rest stop. Listening to a man talk about his infidelity. Spending two nights in an empty warehouse unit with another vandweller I just met who helped me change the oil in my van and took me out to dinner on easter. I saw old friends. I climbed a twelve story construction crane. I reached out on communities on the internet to find new friends, and met two! I met an amazing woman who taught me so much in only two days.

I also started playing my violin again, after ten years. I played for the setting sun in Key West FL. I played in parks all along the coast. I performed at a local cafe open mic. I stopped in NC to buy a stove from a man off criagslist, and he was so enamored with my life I offered to play a song for he and his wife. I read poetry, twice, and open mic nights. I sparked a random conversation with a man carrying a u-bass in a violin case.

I fixed the blower motor in my van, twice. I changed it's oil. I added new decorations. I learned how to treat her rust. I broke some vent fins. I installed a cigratte lighter power port in the cabin by splicing wires. I soldered my own vanity lights for my visor mirror. Soldred my own y-splitter for powering my overhead LEDs.

And I became real. I know most of you won't understand just how important this is. But It's HUGE. And I know this post is boring. What a list machine eh? Well. I don't really care.

I have so much coming in the next season. As Summer is about to crash this party, I cannot wait to be productive. But still I am timid about my return. Am I really real enough? Stable enough in this new perspective to keep going and not regress? Fuck I hope so.

To another 90 days!

<3 Vanessa