I went to my first concert in a long time to see "This Will Destroy You"

I was super jazzed. They were doing a tenth anniversary tour of their self title album. My favorite album of theirs alongside their first, Young Mountain. If they were playing their new stuff I would not have gone.

But I went because this album has played an important roll in my life. I started listening to it in Burlington Vermont during my one year at school. I was so deeply depressed and ashamed, I used to walk around listening to their music and some others all around the Winooski River. I would get high off my ass and sink into the music until nothing existed except my horrible thought habits swirling around the atmosphere of the music. I love those times.

Sadly, I felt rather disconnected from any emotional experience during the show. I was happy. I was enjoying watching strangers nod and sway instead of moshing and dancing. I was present, but I felt rather flat. This feeling caught me off guard. I began thinking that being "real" is worse, because I am not experiencing the same level of emotional realness.

After talking with some friends (yes I back date), I have begun to hope that this is simply a consequences of my recent realness. That I still need more time to come into and fill this life. I should have more patience.

Regardless. I was super super happy to get to go. I learned a lot. I enjoyed being slammed by these melodies I fell in love with almost a decade ago, and I drank a lot of water 😵