Reading "The Fault in our Stars"

The fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves.

So much of what I'm learning is that it's okay for me to love, to be loved, and to feel worthy of it all.

I once believed so strongly I did not deserve to be me. Because I have always planned to end my life you'd be better off not knowing me. I'm only to die, the only thing I am allowed is to give.

Those feelings have not changed much, except my attachment to them. I am eager for, searching for a way to lose them. I can give, I can benefit, I can be me without causing pain and without ending my life.

Don't expect me to stop wishing for death however. This part of me is cemented in the foundation of my experience and I will inevitably talk about my death as a coping mechanism, strategy, and analogy for making progress.

I find it magically universal, poignant, I should choose to read this book.

As with many other facets of my life, I had little idea what this book was about, merely "a love story". With no clue of it's relevance to my health, I am thankful for the revelations of my ignorance, grateful for the inspiration the simple act of acknowledging the coincidence brings.

I've been thinking about changing my name again. For about two weeks I have entertained the idea, but so far have found comfort and unity in Luna Inanis Umbra.