pain is not pleasure

I hate this title. As much as I want to rage about how I would never want to experience pain during sexy times, I'll bet I don't fully understand what it really means to give in to those acts.

Nonetheless, FUCK PAIN. I spent my entire life in shame, humiliation and pain. The last thing I want is more of it during sexy times. That is the only time I seem to experience real relief from pain. Trying to find some way to make my pain pleasure seems asinine. I would love for any lifetime long sufferer of pain who found a way to make pain pleasurable to tell me what's up. I really don't see how that works. To those of you who have been blessed with health, seek your pain, that I can understand.

I want to rage on about this, but I really have no need. I'm just in a shitty mood. Hopefully the book I am reading will stop talking about this subject. So I can get back to enjoying it. Meh.

okay phew. Thankfully the book did not focus on the pain as a primary end. I had to keep reading to feel better. And I guess I am. But still not great. Meh.