Today I see a whole new world. With self worth, acceptance, love.

Today, I got a reply from an attractive trans guy on a dating site. He's only in town for a couple days, same here.

I fought hard now for five years. I started in total depersonalization, empty, desperate. I saw the world through a lens so thickly bleak I felt my only purpose was to die. For over ten years.

Could've been a fun goofy kind of meet up with him. Alas the universe didn't want us to meet. But not before he told me "I think you're a total babe." Reading that spun me off into this world. This new world:

A world where I am content, collected, contained within myself. I am grounded in who I am. I know what I want and I communicate my desires and intent. I can be sexual! I feel real! I can play and live with my pain. It's okay to have a date with someone I may never see again. I'm confident I can manage my emotions.

I've always understood that we change reality. That in time we won't recognize our selves in the past. Today I feel it. I so clearly see it. I am thankful today. I am proud of myself for not giving up. I hope I never give up again.