Happy Birthday Vanessa

Today marks the one year anniversary of Vanessa and I being together.

In a year we have managed to see lots of places from Key West Florida USA, all the way north to Halifax Nova Scotia Canada.

Vanessa is a 2002 Freightliner Sprinter High top Wagon Red 140" Wheelbase with the larger 5 cylinder engine with 156 HP. I bought her with 220,000 miles on her.

I purchased her in Michigan, where she grew up. It was a wild ride of phone calls, flying, a hotel night, and a quick decision. I am very happy with that decision. Across the country I could only find three Sprinters that fit my criteria and budget. This was my second option. The first was white color, but it sold super fast. The owner of Vanessa was very kind to wait until I could fly out before showing it to other people.

Vanessa's first owner was a handicap equipment sales person. I was told they would take out the back bench seat to fit the equipment, but never fully loaded it down. He drove her a lot, but not under average "commercial" conditions.

This owner, had her for a mere seven months. He had planned to convert her to a camper like me so he could take his family on trips. However his family had no interest in her, and Vanessa showed some troubling signs I think he was unwilling to mess around with. He owned a small trucking business and worked on Vanessa himself, but clearly did not have the curiosity to seek out more complicated solutions.

Having taken her to a dealership for a used car inspection, and done my research on sprinter-source.com, I felt prepared to buy her despite some of her quirks. I replaced the old, dry-rotted tires and drove back home.

Our first trip

I had to go from Detroit Michigan to Central Massachusetts. All I brought with me was a couple changes of clothes, an air mattress, top sheet, and small fuzzy blanket. As luck would have it, my first night was a freak day in the middle of may where the temp dropped to 30 degrees at night! I woke up at 3:30am with a horrible kink in my neck half frozen. I walked around the walmart I parked at for a half hour trying to decide if I should buy something to help with these temps. I opted not. I am not going to buy something for this short trip. I will tough it out.

I found myself at a local gas station asking the attendant for any good places to watch the sunrise. HE told me of a park along the lake. I found out I was in Cleavland Ohio. What a morning. This grey covered sky, sprinkling tingling drops of rain, the sun mostly hidden, waves crashing against the large boulders that lined the shore.

I knew I was entering something new.

As I drove the rest of the way home, passing through New York and the northern side of Massachusetts. I found myself in two different places at once.

One on side, I was in awe of my surroundings. I was driving a vehicle larger than I'd ever driven. I was in a place I had never been. I stopped at every rest stop so I could savor something about the journey. I let the sun in my body, and felt the rain drops pierce my skin. As the dark settled in, the mountains climbed and dipped to make sure I was awake. I remember intensely the steep climbs and falls where Vanessa would struggle to come up and scream with joy in our descent. I love driving at night the most.

The other side was floating above me, watching. It took the pain my body was in, and swirled it into the void. It protected me from the depth of my despair, and held tightly to the chords of reality. In the moment I was not fully aware of how this side of me was fighting. I felt the hurt just as much as the joy. And I'm learning now, how much this is a theme in my life.

Vanessa & Luna

I told myself before I bought her, that I was going to treat her like family. IF she needed some work done, I would do it. I would not allow myself to end up seeing this as a mistake. It definitely helped as I took care of her the first few months of owning her.

I did a lot to take care of Vanessa:

• 4 new tires, since the old ones were seven years old and super dry rotted
• Put a new power lead in for the horn. The old one was not supplying consistent power.
• Replace the E-brake line and shoes as the mechanism under the van seized.
• A full transmission fluid flush and replace.
• Replace the drive belt
• Replace the motor mounts
• Replace the rear-right tone ring and speed sensor.
• Fix the leaky roof seams
• Clean up and add pressure to the brushes in the A/C blower motor

Seems like a lot! And it was in some ways, but in others it was liberating work. I learned so much about my van, and vehicle mechanics. I lucked out with the best Mercedes dealership in Burlington MA with the best mechanic I've ever worked with: Carl. He would spend almost twenty minutes with me talking about the van. I think it came down to me saying this:

I don't want to just be an operator, I want to be an owner.

This attitude of mine seemed to permeate into everyone I spoke with at the dealership and I was treated very well. Despite that I had to come out as trans! They look up your name using your license or registration or something and knew my name before I could tell them. So between my boyish attire, and seeing my name already they assumed I was male. Yet when Steve tried to pass me off to another worker he hesitated deeply when trying to pick the right pronoun.

But when I came out to Steve later, he was very accepting. He actually figured I was trans, but thought it should be up to me whether I say something. I am blown away by that staff.

To Nova Scotia

In September 2016 I went up to Nova Scotia. I took a couple days to get there. From MA to Maine I was slightly agitated. This was my first trip. I even went so far as to call the walmart I wanted to stay at and ask for permission. This way I knew it was okay.

Into Canada was a bit of an experience. At the border I was pulled inside because I was in a camper van and I was entering as a US citizen. This of course sketches out the border agents. What if I never come back? I was honest and told them I didn't have a job. After a bit of waiting I told them, I do have a Canadian passport as well but it expired. Would that make a difference? An emphatic YES!

We walked out to my van and I showed them my Canadian passport with the same picture as my US passport. From here they searched my van a bit. Likely a requirement of policy. Eventually they found my hormone meds and they asked what they were. It was obvious they were equally intrigued and confused. I was sent on my way quickly thereafter.

The trip was amazing. Experiencing a different kind of country side, visiting old friends whom I hadn't seen in over ten years. Who supported me and were kinder than a koala. I spent ten days with them before returning home. I was lifted.

To the Carolinas

In October I made another trip out. This time to visit a friend in Virginia and a friend in North Carolina. Sadly, the visit in North Carolina was tumultuous and catastrophic. Neither of us were prepared for my visit and we both hurt each other a lot as we sat in shame together. After, I found myself in South Carolina where I met with some cousins. I had not seen them since I came out, so this was very interesting.

Surprisingly I also got myself to reach out to the local EDS community and have coffee with one woman in SC. She is a physical therapist and was just about to open her own clinic to support EDS people! Another woman I met in NC. She graciously paid for sushi! and let me spend the night in her driveway. I felt like I was hanging out with a friend with her, likely because I had more time and was in her home.

On my way back to MA I had to make a special three day stop in New York, despite the bitter cold to help a friend who was in the hospital. Looking back on that time I'm not sure if I did the right thing. Whenever I support people in the hospital I am very wary about the impact I have. We will find out in another year or so whether I was a good influence.

Because of this cataclysmic trip, I was unprepared to leave again before the black despair of winter blanketed my world. I spent the next six months hiding in my mothers house, making minimal progress on the van, and trying very hard to stay above water.

Thankfully as the warmth peaked in, I got help from friends and I was off again for this trip to Florida by the beginning of March. Phew!

Okay Enough!

I know, I love Vanessa. I am happy to have shared this of the last year. I fully acknowledge that the audience we write for and each time we share can have a different impact on us. Klexos, is an art I very much appreciate.

Thank you for reading.